Rollin' With Lester

Had a dream last night that I was riding in a convertible across an imaginary Mexico with a guy in his late 50s with a big beard, a leather jacket and an orange bandanna on his head — a guy I didn’t recognize at first, because nobody ever got to see him in his late 50s — Lester Bangs.

We drove past massive piles of old laundry on fire, whole villages burning mightily in the empty landscape. Finally, the road went over a cliff and continued down the almost-vertical cliff face. Lester said “Fuck, man, I’m not sure about this,” but we took the road. About halfway down, we stopped rolling and started free-falling thousands of feet into a gigantic valley.

Finally, a few hundred feet above the ground, the wind caught us and set us upright…and we hit the ground running at about two hundred miles an hour, blasting across the valley floor, both of us screaming our heads off with glee, the Stooges howling out of the stereo. I was happy, in my dream, to know that Lester was still alive — that he hadn’t died so young in his little New York apartment, but had made it out and was still full of rock and roll.

It was a good dream.

Birfday Weekend

Monday is my 30th birthday. I am not particularly happy about this. I was too busy to arrange a party, I have no money, and I’m a total loser who still lives with my parents and has yet to make a million dollars, release an album, or do anything of any real consequence for the world. Or even, y’know, have a date to my own (non-existent) birthday party.

Therefore, if you live in the greater Las Vegas area, I suggest you lock your doors, bar your windows, and find a list of your nearest Civil Defense posts. Because I’m going to go get dressed, go out, drink myself into an angst-ridden haze of unrealized dreams and sexual frustration, tear this city to the fucking ground and piss on the rubble ’till it turns to mud.

And that’s the agenda for the next eight hours. God knows what atrocities I’ll commit by Monday morning.

So if you’re out and about, buy me a drink. It might be your only chance of survival.

Them that die’ll be the lucky ones.

Awesome Papercraft Model Of Euclidean Geometry!

Wow. This whole papercraft thing is so awesome! It’s even more awesome that so many people have so much free time that they can figure out how to build, say, exact 1:1 scale models of the U.S.S. Annapolis, just using paper! And not just build it, but share it with the world! The Internet sure is neat!

With that in mind, I’ve got my very own papercraft model of a Euclidean object: the plane! You can make this in under 3.2 seconds! Of course, it’s not a real plane — those are infinite! 🙂 But it’s an awesome papercraft experiment that you can perform yourself, in between bouts of custom-modded-controller Guitar Hero and writing Creative Commons-licensed screeds about models of democratic government in this season of Battlestar Galactica!

Here’s all you’ll need to get started with this project:

It’s a piece of paper. Yay!

  • A piece of paper. (Second piece optional, in case you mess up the first piece.)

Instructions

  1. Take the paper in both hands.
  2. Put it on a table.

And that’s it! A perfect papercraft model of a plane! You can even decorate your new plane by drawing on it or painting on it. Search around on Flickr and you’ll find thousands of examples of DIYers just like you who’ve decorated their papercraft planes!

Next week: simulating fractal geometry by crumpling our papercraft plane into a ball, and learning about aerodynamics by throwing it into a large circular bin!

A Better Idea Than The Wire

How do you top The Wire?

I’m going to create a TV series myself and my show is going to last five MILLION seasons and it is going to BLOW YOUR MIND. It’s going to be set in even worse parts of Baltimore, maybe in the sewers, and it will show HBO viewers not just the “Other America” but the Other Other OTHER America. The America that’s so other that the Other America will watch one episode and say, what the fuck? How amazing is it that he is paid well to show us this despair? Get us our laurel wreath because it’s crownin’ time. I’m talking about a Baltimore where befanged mutants communicate using chemical pheromones through their antenna-like tails and the police, who are hybridized genetic half-leopards, half-humans, but all po-lice, actually chop up and smoke the criminals like drugs before they go on killing sprees, where Rawls AND Daniels are gay and everyone travels by blimp and Omar can FLY.

Yeah, I’d watch that shit.

A More Perfect Union

This is the finest speech I’ve ever heard given by a politician in my lifetime. I really want to believe that this speech will be remembered in the way that the Gettysburg Address is remembered, the way that Kennedy’s speeches are remembered. The way Martin Luther King’s dream is remembered.

To hear a politician telling the truth — the hard truth, the unpleasant truth — about race and class in America, and then asking Americans to turn aside their differences and their prejudices and to work together…my God. My God.

I’m not voting for Obama because he’s black. I’m not voting for Obama because he wants to pull out of Iraq.

I’m voting for Obama because he is the only politician I’ve ever seen who genuinely instills in me a sense of hope in this country’s future, which is something that I’ve not had since I was a child.

I want to believe. And maybe if enough people believe — if enough people can find hope — then we can work together, rural whites and urban blacks and Latino immigrants and conservatives and liberals, to put aside our differences and remind ourselves of the love we have for this country that is first and foremost a dream of unity and freedom that we all share. I don’t believe in your God, I don’t share your skin color; I may not even share your language. But we can share our hope.

I’ll believe in that.

Second Star To The Right And Straight On 'Til Morning

Steven Spielberg’s Hook is, for the most part, a really uninteresting sort of Hollywood version of Peter Pan. But it has one great moment: Wendy Darling, grown old and gray, stands at the landing of her stairs, looks down from the darkness at Peter Pan — grown up and forgetful of who he really is — and she says, in a sad and wistful voice, “Hello, boy.”

In that one moment is everything about growing up and growing old, about the loss of childhood and the loss of innocence, and the heartbreak of losing what one once had.

And I can’t see it without tearing up for Wendy, and for Peter Pan, and for myself.