I got a scooter today! My buddy Mike sold it to me, though he’s deferring payment until I’m a little less broke. (Yay!) It’s a black 49cc Schwinn (I didn’t know they made scooters either) and it’s surprisingly cool-looking. I mean, it’s not a Vespa, but it’s not total crap, either.

I rode it from the Coffee Bean to my parents’ house and back, and then to the Griffin on Fremont Street, and then to the Double Down, and then back to the apartment, and then to Wal-Mart on Eastern and Russell, and then back. No crazy drivers, no problems, so far, cross your fingers for me. It’s hella fun to ride, actually, even if it won’t go more than 30 miles per hour with me on it.

I went to Wal-Mart to get an extra chain and lock for it; Mike gave me a combination lock/chain for it, but this neighborhood is ghetto fabulous. There’s a steel pylon with a little loop on it that works perfectly for locking it up, but I’m just paranoid, so I’ve got both wheels chained and locked to the loop, plus the front wheel is locked at a 45ยบ angle, so hopefully nobody will jack it. Better safe than sorry, right?

The best moment of the evening was riding it up the cobblestone ramp onto the front porch of the Double Down at 5 mph and parking it at the end of a row of Harleys and Triumphs. The looks I got from the punks outside were fucking awesome.

So you may find the idea of my giant ass on a scooter funny. Feel free. You know what else is funny? Even with me on it, this fucker gets like 80 miles to the gallon. So when I see you dropping a Benjamin in your big-ass gas tank, that’ll be funny. I’ll laugh.

And now I have to get a bunch of The Who and The Jam stickers for it. I’m going to be Modtastic. And I’m totally going to say “Ciao!” as I pull away from people. Heh heh heh.

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  1. Next time you ringa-dinga-dinga up to a line of posers on Harleys… please get someone to make a video. Please. Then you can get off and punch one of them. It’s an instant Youtube hit, I’m telling you.

  2. I’m in favor of scooters myself (probably a side effect ofwatching a stupid ESL TV program in Israel as I was growing up called ‘Scooterman’), but the safety statistics for them are not very encouraging.

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