Luke Haines is so much cooler than I’ll ever be.
I’m currently conducting an email interview with Jack Womack, author of Random Acts Of Senseless Violence, one of the books that inspired the whole Grim Meathook Future thing. Look for it soon.
Other cool stuff going on — I’ll post it when I can.
I got a scooter today! My buddy Mike sold it to me, though he’s deferring payment until I’m a little less broke. (Yay!) It’s a black 49cc Schwinn (I didn’t know they made scooters either) and it’s surprisingly cool-looking. I mean, it’s not a Vespa, but it’s not total crap, either.
I rode it from the Coffee Bean to my parents’ house and back, and then to the Griffin on Fremont Street, and then to the Double Down, and then back to the apartment, and then to Wal-Mart on Eastern and Russell, and then back. No crazy drivers, no problems, so far, cross your fingers for me. It’s hella fun to ride, actually, even if it won’t go more than 30 miles per hour with me on it.
I went to Wal-Mart to get an extra chain and lock for it; Mike gave me a combination lock/chain for it, but this neighborhood is ghetto fabulous. There’s a steel pylon with a little loop on it that works perfectly for locking it up, but I’m just paranoid, so I’ve got both wheels chained and locked to the loop, plus the front wheel is locked at a 45º angle, so hopefully nobody will jack it. Better safe than sorry, right?
The best moment of the evening was riding it up the cobblestone ramp onto the front porch of the Double Down at 5 mph and parking it at the end of a row of Harleys and Triumphs. The looks I got from the punks outside were fucking awesome.
So you may find the idea of my giant ass on a scooter funny. Feel free. You know what else is funny? Even with me on it, this fucker gets like 80 miles to the gallon. So when I see you dropping a Benjamin in your big-ass gas tank, that’ll be funny. I’ll laugh.
And now I have to get a bunch of The Who and The Jam stickers for it. I’m going to be Modtastic. And I’m totally going to say “Ciao!” as I pull away from people. Heh heh heh.
No, I’m not going to be in San Diego. Yes, I was planning to go. No, I’m not happy about staying home. Not at all. But it couldn’t be helped.
Lord, I’m tired.
The Nerf N-Strike Vulcan EBF-25 Blaster is precisely what I need to exact my vengeance on an uncaring and unloving world. Check out the catalog description: Guns & Ammo would be proud.
Load the blaster with fresh batteries and fire at a rate of up to three darts per second! Watch as the belt feeds automatically through the blaster, letting the barrage of firepower continue as you battle your opponent. The piston-powered internal launching system makes it an unstoppable force! Switch to single-shot mode for precision blasting. The removable tripod folds for easy transport – or a quick escape from enemy fire! Even your toughest opponent won’t know what hit him when you unleash the power of the N-STRIKE VULCAN EBF-25 blaster!
The “value pack” even comes with a shoulder strap and extra belt of ammo, so you can roll through the backyard like Jesse Ventura in Predator and fuck shit up with your soft parent-approved Nerf™ darts.
Y’all better pray I don’t get my hands on this. Mass anarchy will ensue.
I’m gonna be spinning with the Bargain DJ Collective at the Griffin on Fremont St. this Friday. So pop down around 10pm or so if you wanna catch my hotness.
I woke up this morning feeling dazed and weak. I did the math and realized I hadn’t eaten in 20 hours.
I’ve been doing that recently.