Douchebags Gone Wild

Power to the Poachers

Dude, it’s, like, your fuckin’ duty to sneak onto one of the four ski resorts in America that don’t allow snowboarding and, like, fuckin’, like, snowboard there. ‘Cause the Man is stickin’ it to you by keeping you off four of the thousands of ski runs located on this continent.

As somebody who used to snowboard and would do it more often if: a) I didn’t live in the hottest desert in the Northern Hemisphere and b) didn’t have a pair of knees that are as worn-down as the treads on a 1954 Continental, I can say: this is total douchebaggery. Anybody who can afford passes and lift tickets every weekend — not to mention the thousands of dollars of gear required to be a serious snowboarder — is not part of an oppressed minority.

Fauxhawked suburban white crypto-jock douchebags who call each other “bra” and “Broseph” and listen to shitty aggro-pop whilst bouncing down the side of a mountain can eat my fat ass. Go jerk off to your Vin Diesel poster in shame and shut the fuck up.

Join the Conversation

No comments

Leave a comment