Good Food For Total Retards: Creamy bacon and garlic pasta

(by Frank Beaton‘s request)

This is hella approximate.

1/2 cup olive oil
1/4 cup butter (4 tbsp.)
1/2 package of sliced bacon
4-5 cloves, finely chopped garlic (not bunches, just the cloves)
1/4 cup finely chopped green onions (just the green, not the bulbs)
1 cup red wine
2 cups milk or milk substitute
1/3 cup flour
1 cup sliced mushrooms
3 cups pasta

To taste: basil, thyme, salt, pepper

Heat the olive oil on medium high heat on a skillet. Add bacon. When bacon starts to brown, add garlic and onions.

Boil water for the pasta and put the pasta in it. Cook to preference.

When garlic gets aromatic, add red wine and mushrooms. Let this cook down for a while — it’ll thicken as the oil and the wine combine with the starch in the garlic and the mushrooms.

When you’ve got something that’s not really thick but kinda thick, get two bowls. Strain the juice into one bowl and put the bacon, garlic, onion and mushroom solid stuff in another.

Pour the juice back into your pan and add the butter. When the butter’s all melted, add the flour and stir it with a wooden spoon until it’s evenly mixed. Pour the milk in. Mix it around. Let it simmer for a couple of minutes, but WATCH IT. Don’t let it bubble up and get all scalded.

When it’s just starting to bubble, throw your solids back in and mix it up. Take it off heat, strain your pasta, pour the sauce in the pasta (or vice versa) and mix that shit like you’re DJ Danger Mouse.

Bob’s your uncle.

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