Message Tape–Pixel– Better Living Through Design

Over at her excellent design blog Better Living Through Design, my old, old friend Kris Bernard posts about pixel message tape for custom LED-style ticker messages. Basically, you mark out the white “LEDs” with a Sharpie to write messages.

I’d hook mine up to a looping motorized spindle and put it in my window, so anybody who drove by saw the words YOU’VE GOT A PUNK ASS rolling by at them endlessly.

Yes I would.

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Bill Maher + John Cusack = Awesome

I love me some John Cusack. I really want to see this movie he’s making.

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Things To Remember If You're A Supermodel Who Wants To Date Me

GQ has a story about the 16 things to remember if you want to date a supermodel. (Found on Digg, which made me giggle. Lots of guys dating supermodels on Digg.)

After reading through it, I thought I’d make my own list: things to remember if you’re a supermodel who wants to date me.

Pay attention, Adriana.

1) Okay, you’re hot. And? As William Gibson once pointed out, we live in an age of affordable beauty. (If you don’t know who William Gibson is, at least in passing, we’re already off to a bad start.) I recognize your superior genetics. Now, why don’t we try having a real conversation? What was the last book you read? Favorite movie? Most embarrassing high school behavior?

Being pretty is simply not enough. Be interesting.

2) You want me to take you where? No. I am not going to fly you to Paris to show you I’m romantic. Sorry, kitten. I might write you a song, I might even buy you a puppy, but the only time you and I are flying to Paris is on our honeymoon.

Your multiple appearances on the cover of Vogue didn’t suddenly make me rich. Though they probably made you rich.

Come to think of it, you’re taking my ass to Paris.

We can fly coach. I’m cool with that.

3) You are probably much hotter in a t-shirt than in a Christian Dior dress. Most women are. (Especially if a t-shirt is all they’re wearing.) If you’re dating me, I’m more interested in who you are off the runway than on it. So be a normal girl. It’s cool. I won’t tell anybody you don’t wake up in full makeup and hair.

4) Flirting with Brad Pitt is not okay. (Though flirting with Angelina probably is, unless you do her, and I’m not around to at least watch. That’s not cool at all.) Playing little games to judge my level of adoration is the best way to find your million-dollar ass waiting for a taxi out front.

Have some manners.

5) Speaking of doing Angelina, would it, like, kill you to at least ask her? She might be down with it. I mean, I know she’s married to Brad and everything, but maybe they swing. I mean, fine, you can ask him too. But I’m not touching Pitt’s dick. I’m really firm about that.

Clooney, maybe. But not Pitt. Fuck that.

6) And your other model friends? Tell me you don’t think it would be hot to make out with that one chick, you know who I’m talking about, the one from the makeup ads, while I’m totally like giving it to you from behind, and then I can switch off and hit that for a while and you can rub scented oil on your boobs. I’m just sayin’.

7) No, I’m not going to reinstall Windows for you. I know you keep saying how “totally adorable” it is that I’m a geek, but it’s just not gonna happen. Look, do I ask you to, like, try on my clothes and run around my living room with your arm cocked to the side in that totally gay way? No? Then don’t ask me to do my job for free. (Unless you can pull off the Angelina thing.)

8) And would it kill you to read some Achewood? No, Ray Smuckles is not that little sissy from Naples with the mohawk that Elton’s been bringing to all the best parties this season. Pay attention.

9) Listen, I’m really serious about this whole sex-with-you-and-Angelina-at-the-same-time thing. I’m not saying I’ll break up with you if that shit doesn’t happen, but I won’t be quite as adoring. I’m just letting you know now.

10) I know you’re probably really shy and just a small town girl, but if we don’t do it by the third date, I’m kicking your ass to the curb. Sorry, baby, but that’s the way we roll in Ellistown. And you better not just lie there and act like I should be grateful just to touch ‘em. You better be like a fucking wild cheetah. You better be like that chick in the video for “Rio”, when she was all, like, scratching Simon LeBon’s face with her nails and shit, and you know he hit that after the cameras stopped rolling, and she was probably awesome.

Come to think of it, can you ask the chick from the “Rio” video to come over and get her freak on? She might be better than Angelina.

I’d totally fix your computer then. Seriously.

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I'm An Autumn Leaf

I know I said I wasn’t going to post any of the songs ’til the album…but I wanted to drop a sample of “Scarecrow” on you, just so you can hear how cool the guitar work of Mr. Thom “President” Chrastka and Mr. Carlos “Funky Cold” Medina is.

Thom’s on the echoing delayed rhythm track. Carlos is on the echoing delayed swelling ambient track. The rest of the instrumentation is just some other idiot with his laptop.

It’s not complicated, it’s not intricate. What it is is perfect and totally beautiful and what I wanted this song to be in my head.

Give ‘em a hand, ladies and gentlemen.

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Nicotine and Bacteria

(The title doesn’t mean anything, it’s just from a Bloc Party song that’s repeating in my head.)

I need to buy more pants tomorrow. Wanna know why? Because I’m down to a size 40 waist, from a maximum a couple of years ago of 46. And I’m down to XL t-shirts (from 3x) and 2x button-downs (from 4x). (The exception are “athletic fit” button-downs, which are too tight both across my stomach and my shoulders. I couldn’t fit in them no matter how thin I got. I’m just built like a linebacker.)

The pants I’m wearing right now quite literally won’t stay up without notching my belt all the way to the last hole…and even then they’re a bit loose. It’s not a fashion issue or anything like that at all — I look like I’m wearing oversized clothes. Many of my older shirts now hang down near my knees.

I’m very happy about this.

Also, Joe Hill’s book Heart Shaped Box is really, really good. It reminds me of the bits I really liked about Poppy Z. Brite’s early horror fiction, and not the bits I didn’t. (The fact that he’s Stephen King’s son is totally irrelevant. He doesn’t write like his father. He writes like himself.)

That’s all — just popping in with some randomness.

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links for 2008-03-29

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Travelogue Recording Notes, Number whatever it is now

I went down to Robert Allen Rehearsal Studios tonight to record with Carlos Medina of Vegas band Atomic Nutshell. I’m going to be collaborating with him on a track for their album.

Carlos also laid down some really pretty ambient guitar for “Scarecrow”, which I’ve remixed a bit — new drums, a pretty Rhodes texture, slightly shorter breakdown. It’s very Johnny Greenwood stuff — volume pedals and delay.

I’m trying to decide if I have the stamina tonight to break out my gear and do a final guitar part for “Not In This World (Or The Next One)”. I’m gonna do it with a direct-input electric guitar so it has more of a sound like Jeff Buckley’s stuff. I just don’t have the engineer, microphones or acoustic space to really properly record an acoustic guitar for that track — there’s nothing else to it, no drums or other instruments to cover ambient noise, so the recording would have to be hyper-pristine, and I just can’t do it in practice. I think it’ll sound good this way, though. And it might have some piano on it.

I’m ditching a track or two, so the album will be shorter than I’d thought — maybe ten or eleven songs instead of thirteen or fourteen. That’s okay. Brevity is the soul of…well, something or other. Plus that way I totally have B-sides to mess with.

Also: some Hammond organ on “Scatterlings + Refugees”. It needs it. The other version I put out has it, but it’s going to be much lower-key this time. Just a texture.

I think I’m almost ready to start doing vocal recordings. Ryan and Melissa Marth from the Big Friendly Corporation have agreed to do some backup for me, and there’s a couple of other people I’m thinking of asking as well. So I’ll have to do that around other peoples’ schedules, which is okay — it’s worth it to have that fullness to it.

Once that’s done, it’s final mixes and masters, and I’m done with the recording. Then all I have to do is design the liner notes. And set up distribution. And maybe find a label. And…well, all the other stuff. Sigh.

I have a small secret about the way I’m going to distribute it. I’m not telling yet. It has something to do with the whole “future of music” thing. Don’t worry, you’ll definitely be able to score a copy.

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Party Tomorrow

If you’re one of my friends who doesn’t do MySpace and I haven’t seen, I’m having a belated 30th birthday party tomorrow night at Alex and Laurenn’s apartment complex pool! Around 7pm, BYOB or food, but no glass containers, since it’s at the pool.

Call me if you need directions.

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The haunting last picture of Sophie Lancaster who was beaten to death for being a Goth | the Daily Mail

The haunting last picture of Sophie Lancaster who was beaten to death for being a Goth | the Daily Mail

Lest anyone think I really condone the beatings of people who are “different”. I didn’t post the emo kid thing because I really advocate this shit. I just thought it was a strange and surreal cultural event. (Emo kids irritate me, but so do lots of people I don’t actually want to be beaten to death.)

This is just pathetic and heartbreaking. Poor little girl.

Makes me want to fly to England and start stomping British juvenile delinquents. (Personally, I find British teenagers about as threatening as lilac bushes. It’s like one big Belle and Sebastian concert over there.)

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